My thoughts Lately....

As I woke up the past two days I have had some confusion to a extent.  I have been busy with school and doctor apts for quite a while now and all of a sudden I wake up and school is done for a month.  I thought laying in bed this morning what do I do with my time.  I still have  ALOT of doctor apts but no school  do you realize how much time that leaves me.  I don't have very many friends that I hang out with because I am not good at getting close to other people.  I tend to get close to someone and then back off.  I know it has a lot to do with my last marriage and some things I went through but now as I sit and ponder what to do it is amazing to have so much free time.
  I have decided that as I am working on the whole getting close friends thing again I am going to work on different things that need to change.  I am working more on spiritually growing and being happy no matter what life throws at me.  I have a AWESOME husband that I can really be open with and we have a great relationship.  That is a good feeling and I love him more and more everyday.  I have also decided to try and slow down and just enjoy what I can control and let go of what really frustrates me in my life right now. 
 Last thing to work on for awhile is to get over the heartache I feel for probably never being able to have another child.  I have thought about this one a lot.  I am  woman who has waited now 11years to have children.  And now that I am able to do it I have doctors telling me that I should not have another one after this because of my heart problem.  Do they even realize how long I have waited to have children? ???  Of course not they just know what is wrong with my heart and that it could really do some damage to me.  I have tried to come to terms with it the last few weeks but it is so hard for me.
I have always imagined like 3-4kids running around my house.  It is okay though I will make it through and I am so greatful for the dear little one that I have. I have decided that I am going look at the good side to only having one baby..

1.  The Lord loves me and I know that 1 baby is just as good as 10.
2. I get to be a mom.
3. I get my figure back and never have to worry about losing it to pregnancy again.

So I know the third one is kinda on the selfish end but I am so grateful that the Lord trust me with at least one baby.